Bloody big boots to fill

Imagine you’re Jimmy Olsen, and you’re sitting at your small desk in the corner of the chaotic Daily Planet offices, killing time reading a nudie magazine. Miss June’s likes include, “nude sunbathing, men who are sincere, and horses”, and you’re thinking, Great, where’s a guy like me going to get a horse?!”

Perry White storms in, bellowing, “Superman’s pissed off to Spain, nobody’s seen Clark Kent since, Lois is dating some Italian bloke, and a horrible, slow-witted, 3-headed monster called the ManChelsTott is running around, CRAPPING on everything that is good in the world”.

He tosses you a package wrapped in brown paper, tied with twine, saying, “I found this in Clark’s locker, put it on and get out there kid!”

You carefully unwrap it, almost knocking over your cup of Ovaltine onto your magazine. You can scarcely believe your eyes, it’s a Superman costume. Holy smokes! you think, I’ve only scored 14 goals in my entire career! What have I gotten myself into!

Perry comes back out, “You still here?” Sensing your hesitation, he says, “Listen kid, that other guy was brilliant, but he’s gone now. You’ve got what it takes. Remember that sublime goal in Cardiff?”

“Or that incredible run during the robbery in Liverpool?”

And you realize, he’s right, it’s time to step up. You put it on, and you never look back.


Theo Walcott as Jimmy Olsen

Arsene Wenger as Perry White

Thierry Henry as Clark Kent/Superman

Emmanuel Adebayor as Lois Lane

You can read the official version here.

Cheers, Mark

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